Saturday, 12 March 2016

Mom Dictionary: Definition of a Baby

baby, n. [bey-bee] plural: babies

A miniature human. Often wiggly and irresistibly attractive to the beholder. Likes to munch upon mother - any part will do. Unsanitary objects found underneath furniture are also acceptable. Enjoys harassing parents in all manner of ways, such as refusing to eat or sleep, just because. All torture tactics are accompanied by charming looks and puppy dog eyes to ensure success. Comes in a wide range of colours, shapes and sizes. Each specimen is normally considered the cutest possible one available at that moment in time. Has a unique ability to turn grown ups into cooing, gurgling wrecks at the merest glance. Enjoys pulling things, such as people's hair and glasses. Also exhibits an unhealthy interest in the oral cavity of the holder; to that end, can often be found trying to measure the elasticity of one's lips, the strength with which the teeth are anchored to the gums, and so forth.
The cottony head seems to emit a mysteriously divine scent, otherwise known as the distinctive 'baby smell'. This is different from the 'needs a nappy change smell', which comes and goes with alarming frequency. Possesses magical abilities to soothe any tired soul that touches it. Overall a squishy, cuddly creature that enjoys babbling incoherently at the top of its squeaky voice.
Also known as the Baby Behen of the Esteemed Aapi at the Jafri Residence. (Other specimens may be found elsewhere under different monikers.)


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